Everyone knows that.

Mikey: anyway, [my girlfriend] got Civ 4.

so, in a turn of events that is ironic enough for Dante, I could be a video-game widower.

Mike: awesome!

I'm pretty sure that this is an opportunity

Mikey: to?

Mike: you have the opportunity to give oral sex while your girlfriend plays a video game, which would be the ultimate in karma accumulation

you would be guaranteed to be, like, I don't know

an NFL analyst in your next life

Mikey:sweet

oh, so I had an idea

I think you, me, and Chris should become paranormal investigators

Mike: really?

like ghosts?

can we wear cool backpacks?

don't we need to have someone who knows, y'know, physics?

or chemistry?

or ANY science?

(political does NOT count)

Mikey: I was thinking less ghosts and more like, semi-real animals

say, bigfoot

dinosaurs

stuff like that

we're not really here to explain things

Mike: that'd be cool

Chris could wear a bigfoot suit

Mikey:uhoh

he'd probably have a girl-bigfoot fall in love with him

or a boy-bigfoot

not sure

anyway, we need a sidekick

probably some low-level monster

Mike: umm

real monster?

or do you mean like a dog we never bathe?

Mikey: a real monster

like Slimer or something

are there any monsters in Alaska?

Mike: I don't think so

we should have one though

Mikey: even an Alaskan Yeti or something

well, we need to invent one

then phone in a bunch of sightings

then go into town to hunt it

declare victory, write a book, and profit!

Mike: excellent idea

we should do it outside Nome

Mikey: why there?

Mike: I don't know

the people up there must be bored

they'd love a good monster

Mikey:how far up is Nome?

Mike: umm

pretty far

Mikey: sweet

so, what are you thinkg?

ex-extinct animal?

alien?

demon?

Mike: ooo

a good demon

Mikey: yeah

some kind of snow-demon

like the ones from Warcraft

Mike: yeah

that's easy to fake

there's snow everywhere

Mikey: maybe some type of Wendigo

Mike: and most of it is haunted

Mikey: right

we do need some dead animals that it 'killed'

Mike: of course

and some good video footage

Mikey: give it an ambiguous tie-in to some native american folklore

perhaps in a non-existant tribe

the Chinaquois.

Mike: of course

they were all about the snow demons

Mikey: whenever the Chinaquois went on a walrus hunt, they'd always leave the tusks to placate the monster.

Mike: true

that's very true

Mikey: the monster does need a name

Mike: whatever it is, it should translate to white devil

Mikey: so when the Russians first met the Chinaquois, they thought they were demons?

Mike: yeah

that makes sense

Mikey: It could be the..

H'nkra'ker

or Honkraken

Hon-Kraken

Mike: but isn't a kraken some kind of water beast?

Mikey: maybe this could be a water-beast. Or like, a semi-aquatic monster

that would be why walrus-hunts were so important

Mike: ok

ummm

were walrus hunts important?

Mikey: well, the Chinaquois thought they were

Mike: right

of course

Mikey: maybe it's coming onto land because of pollution

over-fishing

fish farming?

Mike: ooo

pollution

has caused it to move away from traditional grounds

Mikey: so now it hunts...man...

after we catch it, we should explain it with some rational-but-weird idea

Mike: rational?

so it needs to be some prehistoric beast?

Mikey: something like that

Mike: a separate evolutionary chain

Mikey: like, not a true 'demon' or 'monster'

Mike: that evolved on the edge of civilization

Mikey: but something equally fantasy

the snow-octopus

Mike: some modified polar bear

long lost polar bear ancestor

Mikey: they usually stay buried, but this one had a serious case of gigantism

and, since everyone knows octopuses are really smart, maybe we should be alarmed

Mike: right

octupuses are brilliant

everyone knows that

Mikey: so maybe they're learning how to hunt bigger game

Mike: or even? and I'm not saying this is really proven, but y'know its possible, we've seen examples in nature before... even looking for revenge

and by 'in nature' I mean in the Jaws movies