A total drag

Mikey: http://www.purityvow.com/heart2heart.htm

[NOTE: at the time this was a link to a locket one would buy promising abstinence until the key to the locket was given to her by her father on her wedding day]

now that's messed up

Gailon that lie comes straight from satan

SATAN

Mikey: which lie?

Gailon I don't know

that article said that at the beginning

something about sex education

Mikey:kids shouldn't know about sex

I mean, think about it

what are the odds of getting it in the right spot if you're just guessing?

Gailon seriously, and half the fun is figuring it out for yourself

Mikey: and I mean, it's not like the girl can help you.

because girls don't experience sexual pleasure.

Gailon right

that's why it's best if young people learn about sex from rumors

that's where I learned that chewing gum while doing it prevents pregnency

I don't know how many babies I prevented that way!

(spearmint gum!)

Mikey: oh yeah, that's definitely true

but you know what's a damn lie?

that homosexuality prevents pregnancy.

it doesn't.

I don't know how it doesn't.

but it's just as dangerous.

Gailon more dangerous

that's how Satan makes babies

Mikey: you're right

I mean, the important thing is

if I have a daughter

and I mean if, since I'm praying for only boys

you konw, the good gender

I'm gonna buy one of those heart things

and tie it, so it STAYS, around her knees

that'll make sure the key does its job

Gailon ha

a new age foot binding!

knee binding!

not as painful or disfiguring

but equally as limiting

she shouldn't be playing sports anyway

Mikey: that Mia Hamm has ruined more lives that coke and disco music

Gailon that's the truth

these days

all you can hope for is that your daughter's is ugly or her self image is so ruined she won't 'hook up'

I mean at least we can count on the modern media for that

Mikey: I don't care if she's ugly or not. That's what the burqa is for

I mean the jesus robe

Gailon yeah

Mikey: also creepy about that thing is that there definitely seems to be a pseudoincestuous backstory.

Gailon in the whole parent covonent thing?

it is creepy

Mikey: yeah

like, I am your father, and your hymen belongs to me

Gailon yeah

Mikey: I mean, I'm not wrong, right? That is connoted there

Gailon yeah

but I guess I was thinking of the mother when I read it

I Don't know why

it is clearly for the father

giving away the daughter at the wedding

creepy stuff

Mikey: "Instead, kids will meet casually with the intent of having sex. In doing so there is no commitment, no discipline, no regard for the precious creation of God that a girl is. It minimizes her to a hunk of flesh usable for a good time. This is the deepest degradation of a woman."

see, this entirely discounts the possibility of female sexual enjoyment

I mean, either they're just flat out duckspeaking, or else...

they ACTUALLY don't know it exists

Gailon yeah

it's insane

Mikey: I wonder what the recognition rate is, nationwide, of the existence of the clitoris.

broken down by state

Gailon ha

that can be part of my book on the states

the female orgasm section

maybe that's a simpler reason why women vote for Democrats

Mikey: because we treat them like we don't resent the fact they have the vote?

Gailon right, and their smarter

but after those reasons

maybe they just know they'll have better sex?

Mikey:Well, to be fair, the best sex I've ever had has been under a Republican Administration

er....all of it

I'll have to see what it's like

Gailon see?

you don't know what you're missing man!

hey... neither do I!

Mikey: it is possible that sex is better when the government doesn't like it

I mean, think of 1998.

The President would probably have been having better sex than you

that's a drag